Ghost Proofing Your Home: A Vital How-To

Trust me, the worst thing that can happen to you at home is having a ghost problem. Relatively speaking, a rat infestation is child’s play. I won’t go into the differences between the two, but I will say it’s harder to capture or kill what you can’t easily see. Luckily, there are exactly five steps you can take to ensure a safe abode. Also, consider yourself warned that while some steps may sound odd, they’re foolproof. We’ve never encountered an entity at a place that has taken these precautions, and we’d hate for you to be the first.

Step 1: Inspect your property’s history of murder.

This is the most important step. Should a murder have ever occurred at your home, there’s a good chance of it being haunted, as there’s nothing a ghost loves more than sweet revenge. Ask previous property owners, tenants, neighbors, anyone. If there has been an incident, move to Step 2 immediately.

2. Blockade points of entry.

Do not allow any outside objects to enter your house nor any objects currently inside to leave. While this doesn’t necessarily apply to entities, you don’t want them taking control of your home as it can wreak havoc on your life and loved ones. We’re pretty sure they can terrorize you regardless of entryways being blocked, but let’s aim for safety here. Cool?

3. Use custom spectral bulbs for lighting.

As you may have seen, our Ghoul Detector 5000 has a light at the end. This is the bulb we use so we’re able to highlight any possible entities in the area. Take extra measures to ensure these specialized bulbs can illuminate all areas of your home. Don’t give them an inch! Super important!

4. Play audio of prayers/holy mantras throughout the house daily.

Entities have no religion. Everyone knows this. It’s their kryptonite like garlic is to vampires, so we recommend playing a mix of indistinguishable prayers and mantras on low throughout the day, all day. Keep it low so you can hear any subtle movements, but audio must be loud enough to be heard anywhere in your home.

5. Contact Specs and Tucker for consultation.

If you really can’t put a finger on the problem, and you’ve covered Steps 1-4 already, don’t hesitate for a second. It’s time you got some professionals on the job, and we’re here for you. Day or night, we’ll take care of your ghost problems. Trust us, when your safety’s on the line, you want us in your corner.